Dear Management,

As the legal representative for Mr. P. Nis I am appalled at your unacceptable response. Mr. P Nis has an exemplary record of discharging the duties assigned to him. Far from being the idle clock watcher you infer, he is extraordinarily flexible in delivering his loads on time and often before they are even requested.

He has, in fact, never been asked to work an entire eight hours, but would gladly do so if the task was worthy of such effort. Unfortunately, my client reports this is unlikely under the present management. Mr P Nis is not alone in working in short, intense bursts and then hanging around the workplace. Hanging around is not the same as falling asleep on the job. On those very rare occasions when he has been asked to repeat a job at short notice, P Nis has never failed to rise to the challenge.

The charge that he is using performance-enhancing drugs at work will be addressed in a more direct manner later, but I can assure you that the medication he is under, usually Vitamin V, has in fact been prescribed by his physician to clear up the unfortunate rash on his head.
Your failure to recognise the value of visiting other locations whilst at work is most regrettable and clearly demonstrates you have no understanding of the part research plays in the discharge of Mr P Nis' duties. While Mr P Nis may occasionally stray onto the premises of your competition, he does so only to learn how others perform their tasks in order to improve his own skills.

Mr P Nis vividly recalls the recent back door incident, but maintains that he only attempted to make a rear delivery because a large load was blocking your front door at the time. He has asked me to inform you that your rear entrance was not only excessively narrow, but will require copious lubrication to permit the passage of the very wide loads he is accustomed to handle. Fortunately for you, the overall cleanliness and aesthetics of your back door are not conducive to frequent deliveries of such size.

Not always following orders is known as initiative, which is quite important in this occupational field. My impression of Mr P Nis is that he often takes control of the entire unit, acting in ways well beyond the imagination of management. Granted, he sometimes exercises this control against management's wishes, but it is the very unpredictability you rail against that is Mr P Nis' greatest asset.

My client is experienced enough to know when a job is finished. He also knows when management is being unreasonable. He knows this from previous employment and from his occasional visits to other, similar facilities. I contend that he is acting responsibly by withdrawing his labour if the job is taking too long as the tools he employs can easily wear out if they are exposed to the hazardous conditions of the shop floor for too long.

Please do not complain about the mess. It is in my client's job description to deposit materials in the receptacles designated by management. After deposition, the material becomes the responsibility of the receiving unit. It is hardly his fault if all the available receptacles are full, leaving him no alternative but to dump his load wherever he can find room.

Your accusation that my client is not complying with health and safety regulations by wearing protective clothing simply doesn't stand up to scrutiny. Mr P Nis was forced to remove his plastic safety boots because management has consistently failed to address his complaints about the difficulty in remaining in his work place due to the slippery condition of the floor.

Your derisory offer of a few pats on the head in lieu of granting Mr P Nis a rise is as insulting as it is regrettable. Given his outstanding performance record one would think copious kisses would be in order. Instead, we are seriously considering legal action. Working conditions in your facility have become appalling, even unsanitary, and the aesthetics are not conducive to successfully discharging my client's onerous duties. He reports that recently there are foul discharges from both doors, and that he has developed an irritating discharge himself. What's more, the unfortunate rash on his head has also inexplicably worsened.

Our demands, therefore, are as follows:

1) Management to pay for my client's performance enhancing medication.
2) Management to provide full employment opportunities at all times.
3) Management to clean its facilities, improve the aesthetics and cut back the shrubbery that is impeding my client's entry into your premises, particularly in the vicinity of the back door.
4) Management to grant the rise as requested.

Yours sincerely,