Freddie

As English Cricket lurches from one crisis to another, Andrew Flintoff has been caught in the act soberly training for a cricket match, just hours after a mammoth pub crawl. Flintoff nicknamed "Freddie" despite the fact his surname isn't actually Flintstone - was snapped brazenly doing net practice in broad daylight with several other less important England players by an alleged newspaper, The Sun.

"It was quite shocking," said one horrified onlooker, "to see Freddie out training so soon after a bender like that it's just not right. I didn't see him drink or fall over once."

Members of the Barmy Army were equally dismayed at their hero's antics. "We've travelled a long way to see Fred knock 'em back," an English fan said in between shots of vodka. "Wahey!!! No, seriously, he's a role-model for a lot of talented young alcoholics coming through our schools and we don't want them influenced by such abstemious behaviour. Training for a match is just not cricket!"

New Head landlord Andrew Stauss is believed to be considering fining the all-rounder for his tee-total antics. "I've told him repeatedly about this. I may well bar him from the next England pub crawl to the West Indies until he learns to buck up his ideas."

Other members of the England drinking team have been quick to apologise in the wake of their shameful abstinence:

"I'm shorry for practishing cricket when we've shuch an important night out ahead of ushh," said baby-faced gingernut Ian Bell. "I realish I've dented England'shh proud reputation for excsheshsive drunkennesshh. I promish it wont happen again, offisher...honeshht!"

Lancastrian Flintoff is widely regarded as one of the greatest boozers of his generation and is currently placed 4th in the world rankings, just behind Oliver Reed, Richard Harris and George Best.