Masterbating Solo
Jason Koumas from Dover Kent was left with no Internet access for a whole week. After a major electrical power surge damaged his hard drive. Isle of Wight born Koumas came to the conclusion that although technology is entertaining, considerable progress must be made before it can stack up to masturbation.

Koumas, who spent the week getting reacquainted with the ancient art 64 non-consecutive times, says even his Twitter and Flickr accounts cannot compare with the "good old-fashioned analogy feeling of whipping the pony."

Koumas said, “Posting my thoughts and feelings online feels good, don't get me wrong, but there's still something missing from it," he said thoughtfully, absentmindedly toying with the ice pack on his crotch. "I had almost forgotten that there can be a physical component to the whole thing, too.”

Still, Koumas acknowledges that in many ways, technology has, after a long sustained effort, surged forth to fill in some of the gaps.

“I was struck by how much our computers can emulate our real life indulgence," he said. "When I started playing the skin flute, I noticed similarities to some of our modern technology almost immediately...the familiar sense of time being wasted, and the comfortable yet vaguely regretful feelings of absolutely nothing getting done, except for the task in hand.”

“When science came,” Koumas added, “it certainly came close.”

Well-respected Historian, Member and esteemed Sociologist Sir John commented:

“Until the day comes when we can jack on and off of machines that perfectly match our pleasure centres, we will always seek out the next closest thing, even though it becomes inadequate when compared with the real deal.”

“That's why I'd wager that many DSS readers probably have their hands down their pants even as they read this.”

*A survey conducted just now revealed that over 65% of you do, in fact, have at least one hand in your pants right now!