United Nations officials estimate that Pope Benedict XVI has killed thousands of Israelis after his latest visit to the beleaguered Middle East continent, in a wave of destruction many are comparing to both the Flooding in Gloucestershire and Humberside 2008.
Many showed up to protest as the Pope returned to the Vatican today, several days after he began his six day trip in Israel with the news that using condoms to prevent AIDS is "worse than ten Jews".
"AIDS cannot be overcome through the distribution of condoms, which even aggravates the problem," said the Catholic leader while flying to Tel Aviv, In fact, even thinking in your heart 'I wish I could wear a condom' will cause AIDS."
The pope’s comments enraged many individuals throughout the world, which subsequently enraged the Pope in return. As punishment, the Pope began to conduct Mass which is a Roman Catholic canonical word meaning “boring poostorm" across the Middle East, causing many to perish from confusion and exhaustion.
One man cried "What the hell?" after passing the 175 minute mark of Mass. "What the fuck is happening here?"
Reactions from locals and even British officials have resoundingly condemned the Pope's destruction of Israel.
Gordon Brown said, "The Pope is like a nuclear bomb."
The Papal God, whose true form is unknown but is believed to be a large lizard similar to the monster in the 1998 blockbuster movie Godzilla, continued to conduct Mass in Israel throughout the week. He was unapologetic about his actions, denouncing Israel as a continent of "superstitious, silly people" who need to learn the truth about Jesus and the Holy Stuff.
