“UKAP” The United Kingdom Apathy Party are celebrating this morning after over half of the country voted for them with their feet in last Thursday's County Council and Euro elections. 66% giving them one of their biggest shares of the vote yet. Record numbers of people didn't vote in Scotland and Wales and the turnout in England was also very low, bolstered only by postal voting.
"This is a huge victory for the UKAP," said its leader, Nigel Farquar, when we rang him up because he failed to arrive for an interview. "It goes to show that people are turned off by mainstream politics and increasingly are turning to parties who care as much about politics as they do like us."
Membership of the party, however, remains at zero. "It's not because people don't believe in our cause," explained Mr Farquar, who has not bothered to register as a member himself. "It's because they're apathetic. They don't care enough about apathy to do anything about it."
However, despite the support the party has, it put up no candidates in last week's elections. "We thought about it," Mr Farquar continued, "but then we thought no, it might be raining, and we knew that the best of Britain’s Got Talent would be on. Nobody could be arsed really."
Official celebrations, consisting of each of the party's members "watching TV and eating pizza like they normally do on a Thursday night", continued until they gave up and went to bed.
