Senior Medical Professor Thomas Svensen of The London Clinic said that, “this is one of the most unbelievable findings in medical history” the Professor concluded with, “we always thought the only danger of being fat was killing yourself for being a fat slob.”
While the findings may be a surprise for some, there are quite a few people who have known this for a very long time. Sharon Kimble of Brentwood, Essex, a participant in the study told us, “I knew something wasn’t right. They made me drink condensed Pig testicle lard for 10 months. Once I hit 753 pounds, I sorta knew I wasn’t healthy. I could hear my heart pumping and I broke out in a sweat just trying to reach my lard shake.”
We hit the streets of Glasgow, Scotland, The Least Athletic City in the UK according to a major magazine, and spoke with various obesity experts (people that we saw were overweight) and found that this news was in fact shocking. “You mean to tell me that every time I eat too much food I gain weight? You’re tellin me that eating 18 meals a day for a total of 12,000 calories can make me sick? I ken that now! You just may have saved ma life”, said one obesity expert.
After we broke the news to yet another expert, that expert reportedly threw his quadruple deep fried Mars Bar pancake snack with extra chocolate in the trash, bought exercise shorts along with a heart rate monitor and was seen being struck by a car while jogging with a crazed look on his face.
These astounding findings could change the way we all look at fast food. Nutrition expert, Sammy Jones said, “I think this is exactly what this country needs. Maybe now that people know being fat isn’t healthy, they just might change their ways.”
