In what UK scientists are describing as a landmark medical breakthrough, doctors have announced the discovery of Gordon Brown's cerebrum. The epoch-making event occurred during a routine colonoscopy. "We found a tiny mass embedded in the wall of the prime ministers lower intestine," said Dr James Asquith at a packed news conference at Hammersmith Hospital, London. "Tests of the tissue indicated that the mass was indeed a brain." At approximately one millimetre in diameter, the object is believed to be the smallest hominid brain known to science.
Brown's aides immediately reacted to the astounding news. "This simply confirms that the prime minister is indeed an intelligent life form, something that only Conservatives, Terrorists and their Liberal enablers have ever doubted," said Brown’s private press secretary Anthony Biddleswade. Browns associates privately expressed relief that the prime minister does in fact possess an organ capable of cognition. "We had almost lost hope," said a Downing Street official who insisted on anonymity.
The discovery has reignited the fierce debate in the United Kingdom over the validity of Darwin's theory of evolution. "It appears that the complete isolation of Downing Street has allowed Brown to become an entirely new species, much as the isolation of the Galapagos Islands produced species unique to that ecosystem," said Sir John Cornish, Professor of Reactionary Biology at Cambridge University.
International reaction has been mixed. Former Prime Minister Tony Blair, who considers his own cerebrum to be "Phat", said that he never doubted that Brown "deep down" was a "thinker". "I knew that Gordon had the intestinal fortitude to be a supreme leader.
Others were much less charitable. "I've always thought Brown had shit for brains," said Hassan Nasrallah, leader of the Lebanese Hezbollah movement. "This discovery would seem to put the issue to rest."
