Years of focussed research on the use of prayer to cure cancer have finally paid off, according to a new study released by scientists at John Moore’s University Liverpool.
"For years we had been hearing the reports from around the UK about people praying for a cure to cancer, or some other disease, and having their prayers be answered by God," said Doctor Solomon Daniels, leader of the research department. "What puzzled us was why God only seemed to answer certain prayers. After studying the Bible, we realized that God only answered prayers that were done the right way; our group of scientists wanted to find out what way that was."
So after receiving a £2,000,000 grant from the Government in 2005, the John Moore’s University scientists went to work.
While the actual research is very complicated, Dr. Daniels put it in layman's terms. "We infected lab mice with several diseases, and monitored them closely. We put the Bible, Koran, and other Holy Books into a computer program, which read the verses in a completely random order. Gradually, we started to see some improvement in certain mice, and we altered the program some more to monitor them. After years of painstaking 'guess-and-test' research, we finally uncovered a method of prayer which was 99.5% effective."
While the actual results are pending both GMC and HMA approval, the researchers claimed it was just a formality. "This prayer method works, and that's that. End of story. The official results should be released within the year," said computer technician Vivian Tosh.
Still, this didn't stop other researchers from dropping some hints on the actual prayer method. "Well, all I can say is that the right prayer combination was indeed in the Bible, which proves the claim that Christianity is the one true religion. Also, the 23rd Psalm isn't in it... so you might want to stop that one," commented Dr.Mathew Magdalene.
"This research proves what we have always suspected: The cure to the great diseases of the world is found through Christ, not through medicine," said Dr.Magdalene. "The cure for cancer has already been found; hopefully we will be able to find a different method of prayer that cures AIDS, and after that we can possibly stop earthquakes, tornadoes and hurricanes. God is all-good and all-powerful so he can do these things... we just have to figure out the right way to ask Him."
ianrthorpe
That is absolutely amazing as I know from personal experience The Bible is also very effective when used as a pest control agent against mice. I was working in the spare bedroom of my mother - in law's house, an old terrace once and concentrating on the intricate bit of wiring in a two way light switch, I was quite still and quiet. A mouse crawled out of a hole in the skirting and stood twitching its nose at me. Obeying the still, small voice that spoke to me I grabbed the nearest suitable weapon from a bookshelf. As it happened this was a Bible, I should mention it ws a Catholic Bible as that could be important. I dropped the Bible on the mouse and it heard the word of the Mouse Lord, aecepted Cheesu as its saviour and was received into the Kingdom Of Mouse Heaven.
We should never underestimate the power of The Bible. Thrown hard enough it can be a potent force for good.