Canterbury, Kent, 2009
After many hours of searching, Canterbury Cathedral handy man Jesus Mathews has been confirmed as being alive and well. Mr Mathews, of Canterbury, Kent, was thought to have been missing since a Tornado hit earlier this week.
It has since come to light that Mr Mathews (44) has been staying with his sister in Bromley for the last 3 weeks. This move was not permanent and only came about since he finished his last job on "St Nicholas Church" on West Street and work generally dried up.
Father Fergus O’Malley, of 'St Nicholas Church', raised the alarm early in the morning after the Tornado hit. He was spotted by a local TV Crew, stumbling around The High Street shouting 'Jesus, Jesus, where are you?’ Jesus, what is happening to the world' and Jesus come back to save us' shortly before being winched away by Paramedics.
Father O’Malley is still recovering in hospital and there are reports that he suffered a major nervous breakdown when being told that Mr Mathews had survived. Hospital porter, Josh White, (72) witnessed Father O'Malley being given the good news. "He was sat in bed with all these pipes comin outta him when a nurse said 'Not to worry Father, Jesus lives and is currently living in Bromley, Kent'. He just went kinda pale and started to dribble". The hospital is unavailable to comment on his situation stating that ‘We are too busy for this nonsense, can't you see what's going on around here?’
The Vatican has released the following statement within the last hour. ‘We are delighted that Jesus has been found and is well. We are looking into the repercussions of his return and intend to monitor the situation closely. We confirm that this does in no way invalidate the position of the Pope XVII'.
Mr Mathews says he has no plans to return to Canterbury and has issued the following statement ‘I'd like to thank yer'all for yer concern. I am staying with me Sister until I get back on me feet. I quite like it here, it's pretty, I feel bad for Father O’Malley though and I hope he gets better very soon'.
