Lovely Joey

Small children all over the UK and Animal activists all over the world were today mourning the sad loss of cute little chimpanzee Joey who was fatally shot at approximately 10 am this morning.

Joey and fellow chimp Rocco, reported to be members of the militant "Equality for Primates Underground Movement" were reported to have tunnelled out of their cage at London Zoo during the early hours of this morning armed with sharpened twigs and 9mil Sub Machine Guns.

A keeper managed to recapture the younger chimp Rocco, using the old "Can I see your passport, please?" trick but Joey didn't fall for it and ran away.

Joey was later shot 5 times in the head by 14 armed policemen while boarding a tube at Fulham Broadway and was found not be carrying a gun. British armed response officers do not carry animal tranquiliser darts due to it being 5p per annum more expensive than bullets.

Eye Witness Sylvia Bastardo travelling from Chelsea to Wimbledon stated, "One minute he was sat on my knee eating a banana and looking out the window, the next he was splattered all over the floor."
However, a police spokesperson later stated, "He could've been carrying anything under that fur coat. We had to assume the worst particularly after reports came in from a drunken student that the monkey was carrying a Sub Machine Gun."

The Metropolitan Police Chief is said to be devastated over the killing as due to special British Laws the murder of an immigrant in circumstances such as these will usually result in a cover-up, whilst the murder of a cute fluffy animal merits a full public enquiry.

"Thank God we didn't gun down a little bunny rabbit on the tube in front of witnesses," commented one armed response force officer.

London Zoo has just released the following statement," The dead monkey was particularly old, ugly and unpopular, not in the least bit cute and highly likely to slaughter civilians en masse due to being a hardened criminal."