UK-French relations are at a new low today and Britain's position within the EU is in jeopardy after French President Nicolas Sarkozy said he wanted the UK thrown out of the EU, "and preferably Europe". The news comes after the president's public falling-out with British Prime Minister Gordon Brown over Farming subsidies and the UK’s stance over Afghanistan.
In remarks which were at first thought to be off the record, Mr Sarkozy told journalists last night that Gordon Brown was a "one eyed fool" who "doesn't deserve to be in Europe, let alone the EU". He went on to say that "British bullshit" wasn't safe and he would be implementing a ban on it across France immediately.
Politicians in this country have responded angrily to Mr Sarkozy's comments. "Our bullshit is some of the best in the world," argued Secretary of State for Business, Innovation and Skills, Lord Mandelson. "We have stringent checks in place to ensure that it is not infected with any truths. Our safety procedures are the toughest in Europe, so I don't see what Mr Sarkozy's problem is."
The Conservatives immediately condemned the government for Mr Sarkozy's remarks. "I cannot believe the Prime Minister thinks Mr Sarkozy can get away with making such appalling insults as these against the British bullshit industry," spluttered their "leader", Mr Cameron. "This was not in the Labour manifesto, he has been misleading the electorate, he should apologise right away, or resign, yes, he should resign now!"
Astonishingly, Mr Sarkozy went even further today. "The British are the scourge of the European Union," he complained at a "power lunch" with European bankers. "They are forever holding things back and disagreeing with me. They won't use the same currency as us and they persist in having their bloody English Channel between them and the rest of us.
Why can't they have land borders like the rest of us? They're just plain awkward and they don't deserve to be in the EU. We should throw them out immediately, and seek approval from the UN to kick them out of Europe altogether!"
