Andrea's Potato-Salad
When it comes to food stuffs I am obsessed with the tangy, creamy taste of a homemade potato salad. "Ecstasy in a Bowl," I like to call it.

I have sampled some very tasty batches in my day, too. But let me tell you, if they ever held some sort of Potato Salad World Cup, every gold medal would go to Andrea, the woman I've been seeing behind my wife's back for nearly two years now.

I don't know if it's the fresh ingredients she uses, or that extra little pinch of "TLC" but whatever it is, Andrea's potato salad really makes the weekends I spend with her while Claire thinks I'm away on a work-related visit something special.

You know that old expression "You've tried the rest, now try the best?"

Well, when it comes to potato salad, believe me, I've tried the rest, and the one made by the woman I have been stringing along for my own carnal pleasure definitely takes the cake. I mean, I used to think I was quite handy in the kitchen myself, but Andrea's cooking puts me to shame as surely as my reckless, selfish philandering does.

She's not a professional cook or prostitute, but honestly, she's good enough to be. That's why I'm proud to call her mine! I had a feeling she was special even when she was babysitting my children in the '90s.

The time I spend at the flat I'm renting for her in Hastings is like a Bonfire Night Special: Potato salad in the dining room, fireworks in the bedroom! It’s the kind of special occasion where I say, "You know what? Forget the extra calories and the risk of spreading an STD to my wife on one of our rare, hellish couplings."

Apparently the potato salad is made from an old family recipe that Andrea's mother passed down to her along with enough emotional baggage to keep her sexually servicing a man with whom she clearly has no future.

The salad alone would be enough to win me over, but Andrea is great at so many things. Terrific coleslaw, a willingness to wait indefinitely for a divorce I have no intention of getting, providing the best BJ a man could get, and a flawless "telemarketer" voice when she calls my house and Claire picks up the phone. Oh! And her baked macaroni-and-cheese is good enough to be an entrée.

Truth be told, I sometimes feel bad about the whole thing. The eggs have so much saturated fat, and I promised my GP that I would cut my carbs and get more green vegetables. But hey! Where's the fun in life if you can't cheat a little bit?

Andrea_Cheers!