Edinburgh-Scotland: Researchers at Edinburgh University following an exhaustive five year study by an international field of noted researchers and scientists, confirmed today that the pure act of sex was discovered to be the only real cure for the lack of sex.
Though many activities, dietary changes and drug substances were tested for their abilities to replace the satisfactory effects of sexual activity, none were found to provide the euphoric and calming effects normally experienced by ringing someone's bell.
Dr. Jock Mc Nutsakks from the Centre for Orgasmic Studies tells reporters, "We had hoped that a nice five kilometres run, or a piece of chocolate cake or even a little LSD in a glass of wine might replace sex's natural euphoric effects, but much to our disappointment, no." Commenting further, Nutsakks said, "Our test subjects were better off by rubbing one out in the privacy of our laboratory bathrooms."
Asked if the effects were similar between men and women, Nutsakks replied, "Frankly the women's bathroom floor was stickier than the men's. I'm guessing the relaxing and stress relieving effects work on the women just the same. Clearly though, one of our female test subjects was a frequent squirter."
The 4,670 page report is available online at the C.O.S. website, but nobody seems to make it past test subject video link.
"We fear that people just want to see our squirter in action, rather than read the results."
To see the video click the LINK BELOW:
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