SEXUAL INTERCOURSE: United Kingdom – New Drug labelling laws will soon require that all U.K. Condom manufacturers use more accurate size labelling for their products.
British condoms presently come sized as Large, Larger, Huge, Horse and OMG. Small and Medium condoms never have been made, as manufacturers realized long ago that even if they DID make them, what self-respecting pin-dick would BUY them?
Beginning in January, 2010, however, there will be industry-standard sizing to which all UK and U.S. condom makers must adhere. The new sizes are: Small, Medium, Large, X-Large and If-You-Say-So-Pal.
Finally, a man who might not quite be of shall we say Linford Christie or porn-star proportions will be able to purchase his Smalls or Mediums with impunity.
In addition, the British Federation United Condom Council (BFUCC) has announced that certain pharmacies, in the more shadowy parts of towns and cities, will even carry Petites, for the discerning tiny-peened gentleman who, heretofore, had to wear Larges and hike them up to his armpits.
"This way, no man ever again has to go off half-cocked," said BFUCC Chief Exec T. Rowan Latex (D-Pa), head member of the government committee responsible for stiffening the existing labelling laws.
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