A week after arriving back home in the UK, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright orange and purple spots.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see his GP.
The GP, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells Tim to return in two days for the results.
Tim returns a couple of days later and the GP says, I've got bad news for you Tim, you've contracted Mongolian VD.
It's very rare and almost unheard of here in the UK, we know very little about it.
Tim looks a little perplexed and says, well, give me a jab or something and fix me up, Doc.
The GP answers, I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis.
Tim screams in horror, Absolutely not! I want a second opinion!!!
The GP replies, Well, it's your choice. Go ahead, if you want but surgery is your only option.
The next day, Tim seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease.
The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease.
Tim says to the doctor, Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do?
My British doctor wants to cut off my penis!
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. Stupid British docttah, always want opawate.
Make more money dat way.. No need amputate!
Oh, thank God! Tim exclaims.
Yes, says the Chinese doctor. Wait two week. Faw off by itself...!