Recent probes into Footballers Wives, Church Sex and Corporate Finance Excess have sparked public demand for intrusive new probes into every orifice of British life.
"Polls show that people love a good probe," said Tim Collins, head of a blue-ribbon panel probing the public's renewed interest in probes.
"Citizens have come to depend on these probes to keep track of whose getting screwed and who's doing the screwing."
The House of Commons Subcommittee on Bipartisan Probes today announced new probes into Iranian nuclear capabilities, Peter Mandelson’s secret diaries’ and Alastair Darling's trousers, while the CPS launched a fresh probe of ex Barclays CEO Bob Diamond's large intestine.
Body-cavity probes at U.K airports are at an all-time high according to a Daily Telegraph probe. And the Daily Star is probing reports of proctologists who charge patients for unnecessary probing.
Meanwhile, a Private Eye probe led to shocking reports on David Cameron’s aborigine love child, Gordon Brown’s £300-a-day crack habit and Britney Spears' steamy sex romp with Jonathan Ross and Archbishop Rowan Williams.
The FSA is probing allegations of financial irregularities in Madonna's adoption war-chest. And writs have been issued for a government probe into whether MI5 has been probing MI6 or vice versa.
Experts in the fast-growing probe industry predict future investigations into Football Pools insider trading, Political Liposuction and President al-Assad’s Harem.
Because probes are believed to have a positive economic impact, Treasury Department officials have launched a probe into the possible benefits of converting to a probe-based economy.