A Kent sheep farmer fractured his penis after ogling a teenage girl milking her goats, while carrying a heavy sack of feed.
Farmer Jed Smith, 52, from the village of Iden Green, had been moving the feed sacks to the barn when he stopped to watch sixteen-year-old Cheryl Smith (no relation) hitch up her skirt, squat down on a stool and grasp the udders of a goat.
Smith became over excited and dropped the sack on his erect penis, snapping vital tendons and ligaments.
Doctor David Smith (no relation either) told DSS:
"I did what I could for him, but it's a toss up whether he'll ever play the organ again."
When I attempted to contact the goats, they were unavailable for comment, but their agent, John 'Thomas' Smith (related by marriage), told DSS:
"To tell the truth matey, they're so relieved they've not stopped celebrating since the accident.
Sheep from as far a field as Canterbury, where heard to exhale huge sighs of relief when news of Farmer Smiths' accident reached them.