The Dead Synapses Society

North Korea Launch Missiles At United States!

Mon, 08 Apr 2013 11:07:17 +0200

In a dramatic further escalation of tensions, North Korea fired four ballistic missiles at the United States this morning.

None of the targeted missiles hit the United States, as all fell harmlessly into the Sea of Japan after only flying 220 miles.

North Korea considered the launch a success, saying in an official release that "lots of Americans will not get their tuna sandwiches for lunch next month because of the destructive power of our defence program."

Meanwhile, U.S. lawmakers have accused China of not doing enough to control the North.

Republican Senator John McCain Crisp, a member of the Senate Armed Services Committee, criticized China's "failure to rein in what could be a catastrophic situation".

China's actions, he said, "has been very disappointing. More than once, wars have started by accident and this is a very serious situation."

In Washington, In an effort to appease the situation President Obama offered Kim Jong Um, a team from the US Jet Propulsion Laboratories, to help North Korea strengthen their missile program and become more accurate in the future.

Pope Francis approved this message of peace, love, and friendship towards the beloved people of North Korea and their benevolent leader.

Comments

Kate & Will's Royal Baby

Tue, 05 Mar 2013 21:08:36 +0100

A Staffordshire pottery firm has begun producing a commemorative mug for Kate and Will’s royal baby.

The Emma Bridgewater firm, in Stoke-on-Trent, started work on the blue, red and white mugs late last night, and this morning has seen the first deliveries hitting the shops.

Native American Managing Director Ms Eiwill Suckyou told us, "Of course we're very excited, and what better way to commemorate such an historic occasion than with a good old-fashioned Tea Mug?"

We pointed out that the picture on the front, of an 7 month old foetus in a sac of amniotic fluid, may not be the most appetising of images over Joe Public's breakfast but Ms. Suckyou reminded us of their contribution to "Paris Tunnel" jugs, designed after Diana's sad demise.#

"Those jugs went global. I understand that bloodied close-ups aren't everyone's cup of sick, but we did good business. These foetus pictures are just what we want."

Plans for when the child emerges are also well advanced. Keen observers will notice that the photo on the front is one of a 'King Edward'. As Ms. Suckyou minds us, "For the first few months they all look like bloody potatoes anyway."

Comments

Nude Photos of Michelle Obama

Tue, 26 Feb 2013 20:06:12 +0100

The US president and the first lady are currently in Southport UK attending the birthday celebration of one of Michelle Obama's cousins Felicity Fullopity.

Felicity, who is now 21, was recently named Southport's Miss Cockle Gumbo Etouffee and Female Crab Races Queen. The recently divorced mother of five said that she was as thrilled as an fox at a bunny rabbit wedding.

Feli, as her Papa, Mama, Nana, and nephew Po-Po call her, was asked about the recent intimate photos that have shown up on the Internet reportedly of her cousin Mich-Mich, as her family calls the US nation's first lady.

Feli said that she had not seen the 'pitchers' until her little brother Bo-Bo showed them to her and her little twin sisters Yas-Yas and Jaz-Jaz.

Miss Fullopity was shown copies taken off the Internet and asked if that was in fact her cousin, aka Mich-Mich.

Feli looked at them and said that the face was certainly her cousin but added that the body was definitely not her cousin's.

When asked how she could be so sure, she replied "Because my cuzzin' Mich-Mich, she ain't gots no tattoos of no Star Fish on her right back shoulder, or a Dragon on her botty, and no Chinese symbols on her neck, and certainly no Banana on her left (blank) and I knows dat fo sho."

She was asked if she then believed that the photos had been photo-shopped?

She replied that she did not know anything abouts no 'pitcher' shop and shit, but that they had fo sho been fiddled with because Mich-Mich has always been real shy about letting anyone see her (blanks) or her (blank).

Comments

Fantastic News from The UK Benefits Agency:

Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:51:29 +0100

نقش سايهدگر نمي دان نور اگر رفت سايه. ر رفت سايه پيدا نيست نقش ديوار و چشم خيره ما نقش سايه دگر نمي دان نور اگر رفت سايه پيدا نيست نقش ديوار و چشم خيره ما

If I hear anything else, I'll let you know!

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Fantastic New Lose Weight Diet Plan Set to take the Nation by Storm

Sun, 13 Jan 2013 18:04:12 +0100

A new weight loss plan is set to sweep the United Kingdomand it is endorsed by the Government and actually works, some experts are calling it the best diet plan of all time.

The diet, known as 'The Economy Plan', involves eating less food and exercising more. Quite simply to lose weight you eat less calories and burn more than you eat, many are already trying it.

Former celebrity fatty Fern Britton, 54 said:

“The Economy Plan works. You eat less because the cost of food is rising and your income is getting less. It is also harder to carry a lot of groceries home, as of course now petrol prices have risen we are using our cars less and walking more. Hence we are burning more calories. 'The Economy Plan' is the best diet out there.”

David Cameron is taking full credit for the diet.

“See what I did?

I am helping people, some people say I have made people lose their jobs, homes, hope and dignity.

No, people are losing weight. Fact!”

Comments

Get A Second Opinion!

Sat, 12 Jan 2013 13:30:21 +0100

Throughout history there have been times when a new disease or disorder has been discovered and successfully diagnosed.

Yet for some reason, the new disease then becomes a popular diagnosis among practicing GP’s.

Let me give you an example.

One of my children was having trouble sitting still in class. He first started squirming a lot, displaying a lack of attention, which then escalated into jumping out of his seat. Then he began running around the classroom. The teacher and I were both very concerned so I took him to our GP.

The doctor diagnosed him with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyper-Activity Disorder).

I was not convinced of this diagnosis, so I took him to get a second opinion. And I’m glad I did because it turns out that when the specialist joiner took a look at him, we discovered that he did not have ADHD at all. He just had a slight case of school chair woodworm in his pants.

GET A SECOND OPINION! Don’t let the same thing happen to your child as happened to my little son.

Signed,

Geppetto

Below is my research about commonly over-diagnosed conditions in the past, as well as my prediction for the future.

Conditions Over Diagnosed in the Past

1600’s Piracy
1690’s Witchcraft
1910’s Homosexuality
1930's Depression
1950’s Communism
1970’s Thatcherism
1990’s ADHD

Predictions for Conditions Over Diagnosed in the Future

2010’s Terminal 3G
2020’s Roboticism
2030’s Herpes
2050’s PSBPUD (Personality-Split-Between-Parallel-Universe Disorder)

Comments

Sexual Problem Ask Dr Tel

Thu, 10 Jan 2013 18:09:13 +0100

Dear Dr Tel,
I am not cut. Is that the reason why my dick is so skinny?

Timothy O
January 02, 2013

Dr Tel replies: There is an ongoing debate within the medical profession about the pros and cons of circumcision. In all my years as a practitioner I have heard and read all sorts of claims about the supposed ill-effects of the procedure.

But never have I heard that the retention of the foreskin has any effect on penis girth.
As a rule I tend to leave any decision on post-natal or early-age circumcision up to the parents, expressing a cautionary note only if their child is a girl.

If it would make you feel better, you might consider having your own foreskin removed.

In line with my usual practice in such cases, I will not advise you either way on that. After all, it's your penis and, whatever you decide, it's no skin off my nose.

Dear Dr Tel,
What's the best method of penis enlargement that will incorporate both for length and girth - a method that can simultaneously increase these measurements?

Please suggest the best and most effective method in terms of that.
I read about the Manewe method and it sounds interesting. I'm not sure if it caters for my needs for girth increase though.

Wayne M
January 07, 2013

Dr Tel replies: Let's just think this one through. If you have a penis that is, say, 6 inches long and 2 inches wide and you increase both dimensions simultaneously - as you desire - by, say, 3 inches, then you end up with a penis that is 9 inches by 5 inches!

Are you sure you want to achieve such an unwieldy result? I'd sleep on it if I were you.

Also, I am unaware of the man/ewe method you mention, but would guess it is likely to be illegal in most jurisdictions, especially the UK where all animals are protected a species.

Dear Dr Tel,
Can I enlarge my penis size by exercise.

Shaun F
January 09, 2013

Dr Tel replies: No, but thanks for the poem.

Dear Dr Tel,
First of all, my penis is kinda bent. Will this have any effect when I am having fore play?

Second, my penis is only 6 or 6.5 inches long and 4 inches thick. Is there any problem? Is it too small or too skinny?

Steen D
January 10, 2013

Dr Tel replies: What is it with skinny dicks all of a sudden?

First they're all too short, now they're all too narrow. Jeez, I tell you, some days I wonder if this job is worth it.

Anyway, let me advise that a bent, 4-inch-thick penis should be no impediment, unless you use it somehow on the golf course as a directional device during the fore play you mentioned.

Dear Dr Tel,
I have a strong fantasy seeing my wife fucking other guys and other females. Is this right?

Shall I go ahead and make it a surprise for her by gathering a female lesbian for her or a male?

Nigel C
January 10, 2013

Dr Tel replies: Whoever said men aren't caring and thoughtful creatures?

Of course, go ahead and make the arrangements. I'm positive your wife will more than enjoy herself and she should love the surprise.

Oh, and your choice of a female lesbian is the right way to go.

Dear Dr Tel,
How long does cum from the dick stay inside the pussy after sex?

Simon P
January 06, 2013

Dr Tel replies: Thank you for your eloquently phrased inquiry.

I must admit to a degree of difficulty in deciphering some of the more technical terms you employed to frame your question.

Therefore I have referred your query to a specialist friend of mine for an answer.

Dear Dr Tel,
I just wanna ask a question. I have a 15.5 cm dick when erect and my girlfriend says it is small. Is that true?

And, if it is true, what is the normal, the large and the small size of dicks? I just want to know the range.

Stuart N
January 08, 2013

Dr Tel replies: By my calculations 15.5 cm in the old scale is just more than 6 inches.

If your girlfriend is unhappy about that just remind her that even a 747 jet looks small in the Grand Canyon.

Dear Dr Tel,
I am a teenager whose dick is 4 inches when I have a boner. Is my dick small, medium or large?

Nick W
January 03, 2013

Dr Tel replies: Put it this way, your penis would be "small" compared to someone whose penis was 10 inches long.

But yours would be large compared with a 2-inch penis.

Anyway, at your age you should not be so fixated on the categories of small, medium and large.

I put this down to the prevalence of such simplistic and arbitrary divisions promulgated by fast-food outlets.

So, until medical science catches up and you can drive in to a plastic surgeon and say "supersize me", I'd stop worrying.

Dear Dr Tel,
My girlfriend is so impressed with my cock she reckons I should enter it in the poultry judging at this year's Royal Agricultural Show in November. What do you think of my chances?

A feather in my cap?

Marcus T
January 01, 2013

Dear Dr Tel,
I've been keen on this pretty girl who's a regular at our local rugby club. When I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out after the training last Sunday, she seemed a bit cold.

I sought of stammered we could do anything she wanted .... you know, a picnic, a meal, a movie, anything really and she just looked straight into my eyes and said:

"I just don't want to go out with you. Period!" Do you think I have any chance at all?

Rejected and dejected Harry
January 08, 2013

Dr Tel replies: Try again in a few weeks.

Dear Dr Tel,
My girlfriend always says it hurts when we have sex. Is there a way to make it stop hurting while still being able to put it all the way in?

Steve H
January 04, 2013

Dr Tel replies: Try vaginal sex.

Got a sex problem that needs fixing? Doctor Tel can help.

Comments

Yeast Infections, Not Just for Fannies Any-more

Thu, 10 Jan 2013 11:24:13 +0100

BBC Kent Regional NHS Noro Virus Update and STI Latest News.

We are following a slow breaking story, where a man from Cranbrook was forced out of his habitat that he had occupied for nigh on 20 years by an odoriferous fanny of a nearby neighbour.

Public interest in Yeast Infections is overtaking Noro-virus on all the major internet search engines.

In a hastily published release on the causes, origins and victims of yeast infections, a BMA Study has found that the embarrassing infection can also be found on some men especially those who admit to having sex in the kitchen without washing their hands.

Yeast infections, while not classified as a sexually transmitted infection (STI), does cause discomfort, distinctive odours, and intense itching in all the usual wet, moist places.

In men, who didn't wish to admit to having sex with a jam doughnut during the mid morning tea break, the infection shows itself as red dots around the tip of the penis, not unpleasant burning sensations, the urge to scratch oneself continuously, and if one is a curry abuser, the appearance of a red dot on the forehead, which also smells like bad Sushi.

Said the Cranbrook man, who has since moved to Thailand.

"I can finally breathe a little better over here, especially since I'm on the coast and get the occasional sea breeze and get exposed to the natural drying agent of the sun, which I didn't see much of in the UK. I still itch like crazy though!"

He continued,

"I'm not surprised by men getting yeast infections, it seems quite prevalent over here....especially in all those Thai Guys with breasts named Bhan Mei Tuna".

Comments

Benitez Sacked at Chelsea FC

Thu, 10 Jan 2013 11:10:40 +0100

Chelsea President and owner Romano Abramovitch moved fast this morning to bring the 10 match, 42 day Rafa Benitez love affair with the Chelsea fans to an end.

Following a shock 0-2 defeat to Swansea in West London, the Russian ugly - sorry oligarch - asked his lawyers to invoke clause 132, subsection 9 in the fat spaniards contract - the 60 day cooling off period.

The 42 day spell at Stamford Bridge is not the shortest in footballing history - that accolade goes to Micky Adams for his 7 days at Brentford in the 1990s, and Paul Went for his 10 day spell at Leyton Orient in the 80s.

The former Liverpool and Inter manager was informed of the decision just after the final whistle at Stanford Bridge last night, and was refused permission to visit the Chelsea Team after the game.

Benitez himself replaced Roberto Di Matteo, who was replaced six months after managing the team to the FA Cup and Champions League double.

Early favourites for the poisoned chalice are Mark Hughes, George Entwistle and Pep Guardiola's hairdresser.

Comments

I Believe In Father Christmas

Thu, 20 Dec 2012 19:22:59 +0100

Targeting both the young and adult market Tel Boy has released a new modified but original version of an early 70’s Christmas Song.

Denying that this was another attempt to sell himself as a musical sex symbol despite middle age and added hip tonnage, Tel's publicist Paddy Pamperall says,

"No, of course not.

Tel is still one hot, sexy Bloke and his Christmas song will sizzle the sound systems of any child or adult bedroom this Christmas."

Carrying a "Parental Advisory" warning label for inexplicit lyrics, Tel Boy had to shift production and distribution to a more liberal record producer. Agreeing to take on any bad press and deal with distribution to challenging markets, Deep Trench Records will own exclusive distribution rights to Tel's new DVD.

"Everywhere except HMV ", says DTR producer Bo Fister.

"They don't dig the kind of lyrics he's laying down."

In addition to the Christmas CD/DVD Single, Tel Boy is offering his complete collection of songs in a gift wrapped box set. Suggested retail: £35.

Providing voice overs to the satelite TV advertising on late night programming, Tel Boy says;

"Come and get my BOX".

You can listen/view Tel's new video HERE

Comments

A Christmas Confession

Thu, 20 Dec 2012 18:07:07 +0100

I was out on the lash today, at our work pre Christmas lunch bash, and as I walked past a local church I noticed a gathering inside.

Being full of the joys and spirit of Christmas I went on in.

The prayer meeting was really jumping. The vicar/pastor type person, asked for those who wanted to witness to get up and speak.

I shouted, "I have lusted in my heart!"

The pastor said, "Tell it all, Brother. Tell it all!"

I said said, "I have been a slave to the demon alcohol!"

The pastor said, "Tell it all, Brother! Tell it all!"

I said said, "I have been unfaithful to my dear wife!"

Again the pastor said, "Tell it all, Brother! Tell it all!"

I said, "I have screwed a goat!"

The pastor said, "I wouldn't have told that, Brother!"

*FROM ME - I WISH YOU ALL THE VERY BEST FOR CHRISTMAS!

Comments

Hillsborough Charity Xmas Single Under Threat

Mon, 17 Dec 2012 20:03:38 +0100

There's a movement each year to stop X-Factor getting to number one," said X-Factor music release manager, Simone Towel. "We expected this year to be no different."

The Hillsborough charity single, He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother, was released today with comedian John Bishop joining Kenny Dalglish in the campaign to get the song to the top of the charts for Christmas.

Dalglish, Paul McCartney and Alan Hansen are among the cast of stars of Justice Collective and are joined by Robbie Williams, Gerry Marsden, Melanie C, Paloma Faith and Shane MacGowan in the bid to raise vital cash for the families continuing to fight for justice for the 96 Liverpool fans who lost their lives in the 1989.

However, whilst DSS urge everyone to support this deserving cause, I do not think that the Hillsborough Crew where aware of Terry O’B’s 2012 Christmas release ‘I Believe In Father Christmas.’

The self proclaimed rock star said "We have put together an uplifting Christmas track and am fully expecting to get No1," said Terry.

Both the Hillsborough Charity Promotion Team and X-Factor bosses are not unduly worried.

"We've seen off other novelty songs at Christmas," said Towel, "The public are tired of them. Memories of Mr Blobby or Benny Hill live long in the memory, and people naturally shy away from them."

Comments

Rosie Meets Santa 'Bugs Bunny'

Sat, 15 Dec 2012 09:14:57 +0100

You can watch the video Click HERE

Comments

"Cranbrook Woman Thinks She's A Cat" – Court Told

Fri, 07 Dec 2012 18:50:31 +0100

Maggs Frost, a 45 year old spinster from Cranbrook, believes she is a beautiful seven year old pedigree Persian cat called Milly.

Sentencing Frost to a suspended six months in jail, Cranbrook Magistrate Sir Timothy Ackroyd directed her to cease prowling the streets by night, looking to be stroked by strange men. "Or I will send you down for a very long time".

Upon which, Frost started purring loudly.

Before wiggling her way seductively across the courtroom, laying down on her back and arching her hips high towards the bench".

"She wants you to tickle her tummy", yelled local butcher Sean Cockard from the public gallery.

Earlier, Sir Tim heard how Frost had waged a six month war of terror around Cranbrook.

"She got in through our kitchen window", murmured local undertaker Wayne Cathcart. "There was a plate of sardines in the fridge. That went. So did a full carton of Devon cream".

"We came down one morning and our cat flap was wide open", reported housewife Steffi Minchin.

"Then we discovered a saucer of our best sherry on the lounge floor. Obviously some very strange sort of puss had paid us an overnight visit".

"Maggs Frost is a schizophrenic cat woman", declared consultant psychiatrist Dr Nick Owen.

"I calculate her personality is now split 17% woman to 83% cat. Which will make for an interesting monograph in next month's Lancet", he

"Who can tell"?

What constitutes madness nowadays eh".

"Although I'd be first to suggest that as a woman, Maggs Frost should be shaving twice a day. Whereas in cat mode, her whiskers place her in the top three of the Premier Beauty Puss League".

"I don't mind admitting she can sit on my lap anytime".

Committing Dr Owen for medical reports, Sir Tim then declared Cranbrook's entire judicial system "broken beyond repair".

"There's madness in the air all over Surrey", said the magistrate.

"Cats are taking over human life. Unwanted pregnancies are commonplace. Multiple births are rife. The night air is foul with the stench and sound of pussy sex. District Council flowerbeds are already nothing but cat toilets".

"Cranbrook is in crisis", he declared.

"Tonight Lady Ackroyd is cooking me Mouseburgers. Yesterday it was Kentucky Fried Blackbird".

"On Thursday she had a porcelain litter tray installed in the middle of our en-suite bathroom".

"Maggs Frost"!

"I sentence you to eight ounces of black caviar and a night on my sun roof".

"Anyone for Rugby Training?"

Comments

First photo of Royal Baby EXCLUSIVE

Wed, 05 Dec 2012 12:27:55 +0100

I have to say that this news reporter is going to be avoiding all tabloid editions for the next nine months.

Two days ago we had St James Palace announcing that Kate, Duchess of Cambridge is expecting her first child. Although at the moment she is in the King Edward hospital suffering from acute morning sickness.

We then had to endure David Cameron beaming on national news saying "It will be great for the whole nation, a Royal baby will distract the people from the fact that we have not managed to do anything about the deficit and are putting up taxes for lower and middle income families, in part to pay for the Royals."

Meanwhile the so called red tops around the world are vying to be the first to get a pre natal photo of her Royalness.

Charles Poncealot of News International:

"We got beaten to the photos of Kate's baps but we have staked out every hospital in the UK already to see about getting a photo of her Ultrasound Scan."

Meanwhile Peter Cook of Mirror group said "We have three people trained to use an endoscope with a camera on. We are hoping that one or all of them will be employed at the Royal Palaces and have access to use this to snap the Royal baby in the womb."

"We got the topless Kate first so we will want to keep up out Kate firsts."

A spokesman for Closer Magazine told us." We already have a trained man in place at the King Edward Hospital ready to trick Kate into a CT scanner so we can get the first images of the little one."

Comments

Kate is Pregnant

Mon, 03 Dec 2012 20:11:37 +0100

The Palace announced this afternoon that the Duchess of Cambridge is pregnant and expecting twins:

The tabloids are set to go OTT for a change and are already setting about promoting naming Kate and Wills twins competitions.

According to the Daily Star, the tabloid paper from the deepest darkest archives of professional journalism. The ever-so-popular checkout impulse buy claims that Kate is expecting twins, "girls according to unnamed sources close to the Duchess."

"We are running a contest to name Kate's girls. The winners will receive an all-expenses-paid visit to London and will be in the delivery room at the time the twins are birthed," the tabloid stated.

Thus far the leading entries are:
Tomi and Jerri,
Pippa and Kate
Riana and Pink
Crystal and Maizey

"The Royal couple are travelling in some God forsaken, remote place in order to flee the nonsense over her maternal condition," said a DS spokesperson.

Comments

Terry Releases Christmas Single

Sun, 02 Dec 2012 19:04:31 +0100

They say Christmas gets earlier and earlier with each year that passes. But for one man, it's coming especially early this year!

Tel Boy, the ageing Scouse crooner, has just released his annual Christmas single.

It's a reinterpretation of the old 1974 classic "I Believe in Father Christmas”

EMI executive Timothy Dunk said "We tried to get him to wait until at least mid December, but he said that he needs the loot.

The record's a joke. Anybody could have whipped it together in their bedroom, but his fans are so gullible, they'll buy anything."

Tel’s, real name is Donny Osmond, was once married to former US tennis star Chris Everett, until they split acrimoniously over a disputed line call. She never got over it, and when he later apologised, and promised to sing at her funeral, she vowed not to die.

Whilst he was watching the tennis at Wimbledon in 1996, play was interrupted by a shower of rain, and Sir Tel Boy as he is now known, decided to "sing" to keep the crowd entertained.

This plan backfired when dozens of supporters demanded their money back, and the singer was banned from attending future tournaments.

Tel will be 101 this year, and has had No number 1 hits in Britain between 1957 and 2012.

You can listen to his new CHRISTMAS SINGLE HERE

Comments

Mannequin Rapist Strikes Again

Sat, 01 Dec 2012 10:59:07 +0100

A mannequin, who cannot be identified until her relatives can be notified, was discovered half undressed; face down, on the floor of the hardware department, on the sixth floor of a prestigious UK department store this morning.

However the enterprise of her attacker was not lost on the stores manager Mr Mason, who told DSS “As the elevators were switched off for maintenance last night, the rapist must have dragged her up twelve flights of stairs from the Lingerie department on the Ground Floor.

Frankly, I'm surprised he had the energy to mount her, much less modify her."

"Modify her?" we asked.

"Er...he'd drilled a large hole between her legs with an electric drill."

'Cassandra,' as she is known to her many admirers in the store, is the fifth victim in the rapist’s four-week sex spree. The only evidence left at the scene where a heavily soiled pair of grey boxers and a used condom. When we expressed surprise at the use of a contraceptive on an inanimate dummy the store manager's jaw dropped with a strangled gasp.

"Where have you been? London isn't Los Angeles you know. We take safe sex seriously here. You do wear rubber gloves and a facemask when you're submitting to the monthly conjugals?

British men expect it you know."

The attacks actually began three months ago after local retailers noticed a customer blatantly groping semi-naked mannequins at several fashionable shops in London's Oxford Street.

On each occasion the man escaped before he could be apprehended. Although there is no doubt that dropping your trousers and rubbing your willy against plastic women, is sexually inappropriate, it remains unclear whether or not it can be classified as rape.

Two of the rapist’s previous victims have described their attacker as a man in his middle 30s with a receding hairline and an extremely small penis. Unfortunately, since their description applies to almost every thirty-something man in the UK, the perpetrator has not yet been caught.

However, the DNA collected at the scene of his most recent victim is being tested and may lead to the identification of a man in his middle thirties with a receding hairline and an extremely small penis.

The hunt for the elusive rapist threatens to strip the crotchless panties from the debate on rape raging in pubs up and down the country and expose the festering yeast infection of Britain's sexual hypocrisy.

Some consider the Mannequin Rapist an innocent victim of modern sexual marketing which has swept demure, fully clothed store dummies out of shop windows and replaced them with anorexic, thirteen-year-old nymphets flaunting postage stamp sized thongs and see-thru bras.

Others insist that he’s mentally ill and could be reintegrated into decent society or possibly even Parliament after a short, sharp shock to his genitalia.

And still others suggest that the only therapy that could cure him is a rabid feminist armed with a pair of blunt scissors.

Unsurprisingly, the middle-aged bloke we interviewed plying a glassy-eyed teenage girl with Bacardi Breezers in the Cockwell Inn, was unsympathetic to our suggestion that the Rapist should have his bollocks lopped off.

“Those plastic lolitas are gagging for it," the 52-year-old misogynist opined with a suggestive leer at his scantily-clad companion.

‘I've seen the way they dress, flaunting themselves in public with their provocative poses and skimpy outfits.

Fuck me, some of those mini skirts don't even cover their arses and the dummies in shop windows are even worse!"

He talked fast, his voice slurred with drink, or possibly the prospect of getting into his companion's tracksuit bottoms.

"It’s disgusting how these filthy sluts show their pert nipples through the thin, clinging fabric of them skimpy tops they’re whoring,” he added as he massaged the rising bulge in his trousers. “One little tart wasn’t even wearing any knickers!”

His attitude is symptomatic of the confusion which surrounds contemporary female sexuality which has blurred the line between plastic dummies and women who strive to look like them.

But no matter how much plastic women are made of, can skimpy clothing, or the lack of it, ever justify rape?

Women may answer in the negative, but the correlation between the number of mannequin rapes and how few clothes they were wearing when they were attacked, suggests that the bloke in the High Street considers anything in a short skirt who can't or won't say no, fair game.

According to police records, a mannequin is 600 times more likely to be assaulted if she models lingerie than if she is working for a DIY store.

We spoke to one female mannequin modelling fire-resistant overalls while holding an electric drill in one hand and a hammer in the other. The closest she’s ever come to being raped, she told us, was when a butch dyke slipped a hand into her back pocket and gave her buttocks a squeeze.

“I nearly dropped the hammer,” she giggled.

One anonymous mannequin wearing only a see-thru matching Pravda bra and panty set posing provocatively behind a window in Knightsbridge, told us that not a day goes by when she isn’t accosted in some deliberate or accidental way.

“Usually they pretend to trip and catch themselves against my buttocks; some slide a cold finger very slowly across the seam of my thong. Once, a smelly Italian faked a fainting spell just to reach out and take hold of my breasts for support. But we’re ladies, so we don’t react or pull away. If it were up to us, we’d slap them, but that would be bad for business. So we just grin and bare it quite literally.”

Grinning and baring it, however professional, only adds to the soaring problem of Mannequin abuse.

If a mannequin refuses even to step away from an offending shopper, the chances are that she’ll keep her lips sealed as well.

A straw poll of fifty random shoppers conducted in London's Oxford Street during our researcher's three hour lunch break, found that nearly 92% of men and 69% of women don’t consider an assault rape unless the victim clearly says no to her aggressor.

Since most mannequins lack a larynx or functioning lips, it is no wonder many of them just grin and bare it. One mannequin, who can speak, but elected to talk through an interpreter as she only has a smattering of Ukrainian, told us she'd been repeatedly abused, adding tearfully:

"If I could open my mouth properly, it would only invite some disgusting pervert to shove his throbbing manhood into it."

DSS was shocked to discover just how little sympathy store dummies get from women.

As one clinically obese cocktail waitress with red hair and spots snapped at us:

“Why should I care? They have the best job in the world. All they do is stand there, the most expensive and beautiful clothes clinging to their perfectly proportioned bodies, flaunting their pearly teeth, deep tans and pert boobies.

They get ogled at all bloody day long for doing nothing. I work my arse off for twelve hours a day only to have some wanker ask me if I eat the leftovers to stay so slim."

“Would you ever consider sexually assaulting a store dummy?” we asked her.

“Fuck off! If I sat on their faces I’d crush their pretty little heads.”

Two other ladies, carrying a few extra pounds along with their shopping, were equally scathing in their condemnation of the morality of plastic women.

“I’m not jealous or anything,” said Tamara Bogworthy (38),

“But have you noticed how tiny their waists and bottoms are?”

Her sixteen-year-old daughter, whose naked, bulging belly testified to her fondness for pizza and chips, agreed, adding,

“The rapist is a sad sicko no doubt about that. But can you really blame him for not being able to control him self around some of those mannequins? It’s a good thing that Ann Summers had a sale on thongs today because I needed a new pair once I got out of there.”

“How about male mannequins?” we asked.

“Oh, they’re so dishy,” they chortled in unison, suggesting that the double standards in our society that label sexually aggressive women as sluts and their male counterparts, as studs, have not been lost on the mannequin community.

“So why aren’t randy women running around raping male mannequins?” we asked.

“Because it would interfere with shopping,” snapped the mother.

In an endeavour to probe the complexities of a mannequin rapist’s mind, we interviewed Timothy Foster, 51, currently serving three years in Pentonville prison after raping an astonishing thirty-four mannequins during the record-breaking Christmas Shopping season of 2009.

The first thing he told us from behind his very own window was:

“I didn’t think of myself as a rapist. I preferred to call myself a mannequinizer. I loved everything about them: their cold, deeply tanned, slightly oily skin, their smooth, hairless bodies, their aloof unavailability and synthetic smiles that cried out to be wiped off their simpering faces."

When we asked Timothy to tell us about his first time, his face lit up like a Christmas tree.

“It was an ordinary day. I was shopping for lingerie for my wife, who later divorced me, probably because she never got the lingerie. I couldn’t decide on red cami-knickers or a black teddy. Nearby a store dummy was wearing the cami-knickers, so I asked a sales assistant to hold up the black teddy, to compare the items.

Before you could say 'buy one and get two free', the shop girl dropped her knickers, we ducked down behind House wares and I took her roughly from behind while she was munching on the mannequin's Lady lips. From then on, I got a massive stiffy whenever I passed a store dummy.”

“How were you finally caught?” we asked him.

“There are only so many mannequins you can grope before the security guards start to notice. But I was having such a good time; I never saw them coming, which is more than I can say for the dummy whose eyes were wider then her legs by the time I came all over her Dolce; Gabbana thong.

When the guards slapped the cuffs on me, my first thought was that Madeleine she was my favourite wanted to play rough.

Well, I got my wish all right when I was sent here. Only it wasn’t with a store dummy but a hairy arsed arsonist from Peckam called 'Bob' who shared the cell with me.

I never saw him coming until I felt a hot, burning sensation between my cheeks. It was then I realised how Madeleine must have felt when I raped her.”

Timothy, now a born again Christian, realises that he suffered a severe lapse when he succumbed to the slippery temptations of hard plastic.

But he’s tackled his problem and is moving on with his life.

He works as a plastic injection mould operator during the week and busies himself cataloguing his collection of designer thongs most weekends.

Over the years he's had ample time to reflect on the selfishness of his past behaviour.

“Just because she dresses in a sexy, satin crop top and arse-grazing pelmet doesn’t mean she's gagging to be taken from behind to the tune of 'Santa's coming to town' belting out over the store intercom.

Just because she didn’t say no or push my hand away when I reached into her sheer silk panties, doesn’t mean she wanted sex. It just means she was made of plastic and couldn’t talk or move her limbs."

"You've just described the average British woman after ten Blue Wicked’s and a night on the town with her giggling mates," we commented.

"Have I?" asked Timothy.

"Bloody hell!

You mean I could have raped real women and got away Scott free?"

"Thousands of other blokes have Tim."

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Local Pub Goes Total Festive!

Sun, 25 Nov 2012 15:23:37 +0100

Just got back from visiting one of our local pubs, this is a sleepy little village pub in the heart of Kent that gets a festive paint over every year with a Christmas themed mural that covers the whole building.

In January it is repainted with a plain colour and then the next Christmas it gets a new paint design.

Just thought I would share!

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What has happened to the novelty Christmas No 1?

Thu, 22 Nov 2012 15:13:10 +0100

December used to be silly season for the charts. The Christmas Top 40 was home to the wacky (Mr Blobby), the weird (Mike Flowers Pops) and Cliff Richard.

But in recent years there has been a swerve away from the novelty Crimbo hit towards something noticeably more maudlin. From charity songs such as The Military Wives' Wherever You Are to self-important power-ballads from X Factor victors, the top end of the charts has officially become a more sensible, Nizlopi-free zone.

The Pet Shop Boys, Kylie and Girls Aloud are all releasing festive singles, but the song most likely to have Fearne Cotton saying "AMAZING!" on repeat this year is either Gabrielle Aplin's cover version of Frankie Goes to Hollywood's The Power of Love (pegged to the John Lewis ad The Journey) or the Robbie Williams-led Hillsborough Charity version of He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother.

Both are predicted to do well, though the latter is far and away the bookmakers' favourite to clinch the No 1 spot.

However Gabrielle and Robbie hadn't banked on Tel releasing his own festive creation cover of 'I Believe in Father Christmas’so the race is on.

The Music Video was launched today on YouTube: To view click HERE

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Town Christmas Panto Breaches Geneva Convention

Fri, 16 Nov 2012 11:43:40 +0100

Theatre audiences in Kent are infamous for their appreciation of the Arts.
However the market town of Cranbrook is infamous for giving their local amdram performers a hard time.

It appears that the locals are hard to please and when not pleased, they will let you know all about it.

Cranbrookians, then, are stunned that even their extremely high standards have fallen short of what the British Red Cross expects.

The towns Public School, production of the pantomime, Robin Hood, has been accused of breaching the Geneva Convention by using the famous Red Cross on a nurse’s uniform.

Cranbrook can resemble a war zone on a Saturday night but even the hard pressed police in the town have never invoked the Geneva Convention.

The schools theatre took this so seriously that the manager found some green material and made green crosses to obscure the offending Red Crosses.

Jimmy Davidson, star of the show, thinks it's a pile of manure. (he's a tad rude and his exact words cannot possibly be repeated).

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University Study Finds Being Drunk is Fun

Thu, 15 Nov 2012 18:40:43 +0100

London University released the findings of its two-year long and much debated research study on the popularity of drinking this morning.

Dr Francis Timms, Head of Research and professor at the university, released the results to the public at a national press conference.

"Well," said Timms with a noticeable slur in his voice.

"In this study, we worked our bottoms off, going to party after party conducting all the really tough research." Timms paused to drink from a bottle hidden in a paper bag.

"Basically, we proved that being drunk is just fantastic and a hell of a lot more fun than being sober and that's pretty much it."

Timms then introduced the students who assisted him onto the stage. All appeared slightly woozy.

"We've basically devoted our lives for the past two years to this,"

said Justin Head, a junior.

"And believe me, it hasn't been easy, going out to party every night, getting plastered, not remembering anything, waking up with random women. It's been a rough two years, but it's all for science. I feel I've contributed good knowledge to society."

"Timms said what?" remarked Oxford President Farquar Robinson hearing of the study results.

"They were supposed to be studying the geopolitics of immigration from Europe."

"I admit that the geopolitics did have something to do with the study originally" said Timms, "but bloody ell, getting drunk just seemed a lot more fun."

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NASA's Mars Exploration Rover Goes Walkies

Mon, 12 Nov 2012 14:04:10 +0100

NASA's Mars Exploration Rover Mission (MER) is an ongoing robotic space mission involving two rovers, Spirit and Opportunity, exploring the planet Mars. It began in 2003 with the sending of the two rovers MER-A Spirit and MER-B Opportunity to explore the Martian surface and geology.

However NASA has just announced this lunch time, that the Mars rover vehicle has broken off contact with Earth and begun wandering off on its own.

Despite years of research and training, the vehicle was unable to control itself and began humping rocks and chasing its own shadow across the Martian surface.

Apparently the Mars Rover was hatched from a giant robot egg in 2004. For five years it was trained to sniff out water and signs of life, in preparation for its arduous mission on the Red Planet.

This training consisted of rewarding the robot with treats such as bones and chewy snacks whenever it behaved well. The Rover was also given a slap if it tried to lick its own balls, which happened a lot during the stressful training programme.

Once training was complete, the vehicle was still reluctant to fly to Mars. It was eventually persuaded to enter the rocket to Mars after following a stick that was thrown on board.

Once on Mars, the vehicle was being guided around the planet by a trail of dog biscuits. The biscuits were fired at Mars from a special cannon built onto the Hubble space telescope.

The Rover is addicted to eating dog snacks, which it burns for energy before excreting onto the planet surface. It is not house-trained, but hey, on Mars that doesn't matter.

NASA has stated they do not know how to find their vehicle now that it has run off.

However, the Korean space agency has offered to send up a rocket to retrieve the errant Rover. A spokesman for the KSA said,

"We would very much like to taste - I mean rescue - this delicious missing rover."

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Female Student Sells Her Virginity at Auction

Thu, 08 Nov 2012 16:26:44 +0100

It was reported today that a Californian student Ms Chelsea Magdellan had sold her virginity in an online auction, for the princely sum of $690,000, and this seems to have stimulated a new fad in online retailing.

Ms Magdellan sold her virginity to a Japanese man, after some stiff competition from a Frenchman and a last minute telephone bid from a psychic medium, who claimed to be acting for the late Sir Jimmy Savile.

A New Eltham based company has set up a new website, www.hymens-r-us.com, and is now offering young women the opportunity to sell their virginity to the highest bidders.

Lawrence Dingle, webmaster of Hymens-R-Us, told us:

"In these times of austerity and economic depression, these young women are to be congratulated for taking the bull by the horn, so to speak. Good luck to them, I say."

One of the first vendors to register on the website was nineteen year old Maxine Minge from Braintree, Essex. Maxine has four children, whom she reports are all adopted, and has advertised her virginity with a reserve price of £38. She has a certificate from her GP confirming her virginal condition.

Another to register was 43 year old Thelma Squeaks. Thelma is a veteran of online virginity trading, having previously sold her virginity online to countless men in various internet chat rooms.

A local trading standards officer warned that his department will be taking a keen interest, once trading is underway in earnest.

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World's Tightest Vagina

Tue, 06 Nov 2012 19:48:52 +0100

Maggie O’Shea, a pretty 20 year old Irish girl walked off last night with the prestigious 'World's Tightest Vagina' Trophy’.

Maggie beat a hundred other hopefuls in the 3-Day event that has held crowds in spell-bound rapture at Belfast’s Festival Arena.

Maggie owes the tightness of her vagina to a stroke of luck at birth coupled with severe restrictions she imposes on the way it's used.

She selects her boyfriends from those with only the tiniest penis.

And strict time limits are placed on the final act of love-making.

"As an Olympic Tight Vagina athlete, I have always taken my training very seriously", she declared after the result.

Maggie picked up £69,000 prize money for having the World's Tightest Vagina.

Judges, who used 'soft' probes to select the winner, all agreed that her beautiful Ginger-haired vagina deserves a place in the Book of Records and the Hall of Fame. She also has very small purt breasts.

Next years World Tightest Vagina Contest will be held in Oslo starting on November 5th.

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Halloween Sex Party Investigation

Mon, 05 Nov 2012 19:54:14 +0100

A major row erupted earlier this week when Flight Lieutenant Jesse Mountjoy was granted permission to carry out a Pagan Halloween Ritual at her base in Brize Norton, Oxfordshire.

Under laws protecting religious freedom, Jesse, an attractive single mother of four from Brentwood, in Essex, has been described by her commanding officer as “an upstanding member of society”.

And by Ex Kent Tory MP, Anne Widdecombe, as “an evil little harlot who has sex with demons” by which we assume she means Labour party members.

Pert breasted Jesse has been enthusiastically preparing for Halloween or Samhain, as it is called by the Witches’ coven of which she is the High Priestess since Monday.

Ms Mountjoy styles herself as 'The Handmaiden of the Society of the Black Cock' a shadowy cult led by a mysterious figure known only to his followers by the seminal sobriquet of 'Mandingo Staines.'

The MOD has dismissed accusations by leading Churchmen that Ms Mountjoy is a filthy slut hell bent on getting her perverted jollies from sacrificing chickens and drinking the blood of virgins during Halloween as 'preposterous', pointing out that as senior catering officer, the 28-year-old single mum can 'hardly prepare Coq au Vin without cutting up a few capons.'

"Jesse is a thoroughly modern woman who asked to practice her religious beliefs at her Royal Air force Base," a ministry spokesperson told DSS philosophically. "Her request was treated sympathetically by the Base's commanding officer.

I hardly think that letting off steam with a few female leading aircraft NCO’s in bikinis, a couple of pumpkins and an assortment of large candles, in any way undermines the traditional values of sobriety, sexual abstinence and non-violence for which British Service personnel are renowned the world over."

But this defence carries little weight with the right-wing moral crusader, Anne Widdecombe, who alleges that the slim, attractive blond:

Indulged in an eighteen-hour bout of self-abuse with a Halloween pumpkin during which she orgasmed 24 times.

Regularly discharged her duties dressed only in a 'satanic thong', suspenders and high-heeled shoes.

Asked a visiting American Senior Officer to whip her bare bottom with her suspenders.

Tarred and feathered two junior aircraft men and then forced them to lick melted chocolate from her naked breasts.

Summoned up the ghoulish spectre of Arthur Travers (Bomber) Harris and forced it to have explosive sex with her while she celebrated Halloween.

DSS talked to the naughty RAF officer's 57-year-old mother at her neat terraced home in Brentwood and asked her what all the fuss was about.

"Just because someone believes in Satan does not make them a bad person," explained Mrs Mountjoy primly. "Jesse doesn’t have an evil bone in her body."

"Except when Satan's got his evil bone in her," we replied.

"That's a wicked lie," snapped the plump matron. "Satan is a very kind, sweet and good-natured father who loves his family deeply."

"His 'family' being your daughter's four illegitimate kids?" we asked.

"They're not illegitimate!" retorted Mrs Mountjoy, excitedly. "Satan is their daddy. Hail Satan!"

At this point our interview was unexpectedly cut short when Mrs Mountjoy tore open her dress and thrust her ample bosom in our reporter's face.

Flight Lieutenant Jesse Mountjoy, serving at RAF Brize Norton, was given permission to celebrate Halloween at her base by her commanding officer, Group Captain Nickolas DeVille, who has openly admitted he is 'sympathetic to alternative religions.'

"The Royal Air Force is an equal opportunities employer," the dapper, Pilot Officer told DSS smilingly, as he sipped a glass of red wine in his Officers Mess Room, decorated with lithographs of dancing witches and naked satyrs. "We do not discriminate against specific religious beliefs."

"Even if the believer is a self-confessed Satanist and masturbates with pumpkins?" we asked.

"Most people are Satanists," replied Group Captain DeVille smoothly. "I don't know about the pumpkins."

"Really?" we replied. "We think the Church might disagree with you."

"Quite possibly, but what the Church preaches in public and what it's members practise in private are two very different things."

"What do you mean?"

"According to Ms Mountjoy, the satanic festival of Halloween represents unbridled self indulgence, intoxication, mindless casual sex, violence, vengeance and deceitfulness."

"On that basis most of the country is celebrating Halloween every day of the year," we replied.

"Apart from Anne Widdecombe," replied the Group Captain, draining his glass with a smug grin, "Ms Mountjoy invited Anne to kiss Satan's bottom but she declined on the grounds that it might introduce a dangerous precedent into the Tory Party."

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Man Shoots Firework at David Cameron

Mon, 05 Nov 2012 19:41:30 +0100

The male, believed to be in his early fifties, and from Yorkshire, dropped his trousers and inserted a long rocket-like device into his crack just as the PM got out of his car to wave to the crowd. He lit it and was heard to snigger as it shot towards its intended target.

Mr Cameron looked shocked as the projectile shot past his ear at hit the door of No.10, slightly injuring a policeman who received treatment for a dent in his pride.

There were no other injuries.

Anti-terrorism officers were on the scene within hours, and arrested more than 100 people "who looked like they might have connections to Islamic Fundamentalism".

The attack comes on the 407th anniversary of the Gunpowder Plot, which is remembered tonight as Bonfire Night.

Mr Cameron's would-be attacker, giving his name as Timothy Fawkhandles, was taken away to Westminster police station where he was charged with offences contrary to the Firework Code.

A Health & Safety spokesman said later:

"Fireworks should always be handled by a responsible adult, not by children under 16, and should, under no circumstances, be inserted in the anus."

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Prostitution Struggling - Hard Times

Sun, 04 Nov 2012 14:25:26 +0100

The UK sex industry has historically never really been affected by socio economic downturns. Normally turgid even during tough times, the industry has become flaccid in recent months.

This is partly due to stiff competition but also due to punters lacking the cash to pay for hookers.

Prostitutes have had to lower their prices to remain competitive, to the extent that some are now actually paying customers for sex.

In the red light district of Cranbrook, Kent, women of the night drive up and down the high street cruising for young men to offer them a freebie and a bonus cash gift. Some of the women have even been arrested for soliciting.

One local tart explained, "It's like when Tesco's and Sainsbury's had that baked beans price war. In fact, I've started giving away a free tin of beans with every act I perform as an incentive."

Sex industry analysts have noticed a significant decrease in the average price for a sex act. It now costs roughly £5 for a Chegwin, £10 for a Norwegian headlock, and as little as £30 for a brown trout surprise.

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Sexist Britain

Sat, 27 Oct 2012 15:50:42 +0200

Well, no doubt you are trying to read this fantastic, humorous, well-crafted piece of literature with your pleased eyeballs, and somewhere off in the distance you can hear a buzzing.

You really want to plough on with this article, hoping, yearning, almost praying that it will give you an excuse to behave like the belligerent, misogynistic, self-satisfying prick you know and pretend to despise.

You dare not allow that buzzing to begin clarifying itself into words, because you know deep down, at a primal level, that it is the keening cry of the Nagging Carnero, or nagging cow.

For the sake of your testosterone, to retain some meaning to the term 'alpha-male', in order to show you possess a pair of 'Grande Conjoins', I implore you not to give in to these cries my brothers!

She indoors will try every trick in the book, and a stack of other tricks in an unpublished edition that us blokes don't know about. Be strong my brethren, we must fight this common enemy for the sake of our sanity!

"Are you going to sit on your ample butt all day reading that bloody stupid comic website?" she will enquire, using multiple attack methods in one sentence;

Lets count them. (i) a dig at our weight, if not hair loss (ii) a reference to our idleness (notwithstanding the ironic importance of said lazing), (iii) a slighting of our choice of reading material, (iv) reducing us to children with the 'comic' reference.

These devious beasts are so powerfully artistic that they can make us feel humble yet angry in seconds flat.

However, as time goes on in your relationship, you learn to separate these emotions becoming either (a) the anger-driven crockery breaker, not a good choice really, as you know eventually this will lead to spousal violence and she will have won, and probably has 6 brothers waiting to do a myriad of pain inducing procedures on those 'cojones shrinking rapidly', all in the name of 'don't mess wiv family bruv.' (b) the humility driven cuckold, who, 6 months down the line will be driving his screaming wench to her sordid Bingo & Bouncer shagging Friday nights out with 'the girls' (all who, by this time have bigger conjones than yours, which have disappeared, possibly in a late night snack for el bitcho.)

Still reading?

Good!

All is not lost yet, but the road gets even more curvaceous now, like her best mate. She who comes around to see your lass, can only stay for a 'quick coffee', yet whines on for 5 hours about fuck all whilst you hide in the loo reading back issues of 'Heat', because its really great, then when she leaves, you emerge to be accused of 'eyeing her up' when in truth you couldn't even say whether she wore a jacket, blouse, skirt of jeans as your eyeballs daren't even be in the same postcode as her curves.

So, where does that leave us?

1. Creek, no paddle?
Almost,

But what's this?

Finally, an article fitting for a men's publication that is going to help me on my quest for equality with the beast of vaginal yeast.

I can almost hear your cries of relief my kindred spirits, here, set out in 3 simple sentences below, are the ways to turn the tables once and for all on your beloved, and take the reins as head of the household for good.

Ready?

Uhhhhh! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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Rolvenden woman lives according to Bible for one year and is not happy!

Mon, 22 Oct 2012 18:41:20 +0200

Rolvenden woman lives according to Bible for one year and is not happy!

A female Rolvenden blogger, Margaret Held Evans, lived an entire year according to the rules laid out in the King James Version of the Bible.

Among other biblical tenants she followed, she addressed her husband as "Master," and met him at the end of their close with signs that welcomed him home each day.
She slept out on the lawn, even in the cold winter. She also grew out her hair, not cutting it once for 365 days.

"OK, I did it, but a lot of it 'weirded’ me out," she told readers of her blog.
"I have to tell you people that calling my dipstick husband 'Master' was a real dumb thing.

But the Bible says women have to be subservient to their husbands. Well, that shit is over, right now," she said as she took her husband to task for his "short-comings!"

"It wouldn't have been nearly so bad if he wasn't such a dickless wonder,' she claimed.
Rolvenden is a small village in west-central Kent, best known as the site of the 1902 Monkey Trial that pitted a populist, London lawyer, Clarence Houseman, against the ultra-conservative, three times Premier Conservative nominee, Williams Jennings Byron, in the first Trial of its type ever. Rolvenden residents fought the teaching of evolution, and won, yet somehow lost.

Apparently, little has changed in those parts.

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